1. Pilot
Kim drives Greg up the wall when she worries that Sam isn't walking yet. Jimmy advises Greg that he should let Kim have the day off if he wants her to lighten up. So Greg arranges for Kim and Christine to go a day spa, giving him and Jimmy a day alone with the kids at the park. Jimmy gets hot at the park, and talks Greg into taking the kids someplace else that's cool -- a casino. Greg catches Sam on tape taking his first steps in the casino lobby, but then realizes that he can't show the video to Kim because of where it was taken. While waiting for their massages, Christine manages to talk Kim into relaxing more when she returns home. Jimmy pays a friend to digitally alter the background in the tape to a park, so Greg can show it to Kim. Kim is thrilled to watch it, until she -- and everyone else -- views Sam walking right over a pond! Greg has no choice but to come clean with Kim about what happened, causing her to unravel all over again.
2. Weaning Isn't Everything
Greg, Kim, Jimmy and Christine are horrified to see a mother nursing her walking, talking toddler at the park. Greg wonders what's the proper cutoff age for breast-feeding. Kim says about a year, and she couldn't wait to stop nursing after that. But that night, she screams at Greg to get out of the baby's room when he catches her off guard still nursing Sam. Greg thinks she hasn't stopped breast-feeding because she can't sever ties to her son, but Kim confesses she does it so she can have big, milk-filled boobs. Greg convinces her to start weaning Sam now before she's got a walking, talking toddler asking her to breast-feed him at the park, but no matter what he tries, Sam won't take to bottles. When Greg's just about ready to give up, Jimmy tells him how he got Dominic and Logan to wean; he'd dress up like Christine with a bottle shoved under her clothes and pretend to be Mommy. It works like a charm, after which Greg finds out that Jimmy made the whole story up. The next night, Kim c
3. The Good Couple
Jimmy sees Sam playing with an elderly couple's kid at the park, and warns Greg that parents don't pick their own friends, their kids pick them. Following Jimmy's advice, Greg spots a young, attractive couple with a kid of their own, and gets Sam to play with theirs instead. Jimmy's worst nightmare comes true when he sees Christine let Logan play with the old couple's child anyway. Greg and Kim get to go out with the young, attractive couple, John and Rebecca. Greg naturally thinks he got the better deal -- until he and Kim learn the hard way that their couple are violent lunatics prone to road rage. Jimmy is in for a surprise of his own when the old couple, David and Judy, are actually fun to be around. Kim returns to the park and befriends David and Judy in an attempt to steal them away from the Hughes. Christine is angry when she finds out that David and Judy invited all four of them over for dinner, as she doesn't want to share the good couple. At David's and Judy's house, Kim and
4. You Wanna?
Kim confides to Christine that she and Greg haven't been having as much sex as they were before they had Sam. Greg gets two tickets to a Lakers game and invites Jimmy. When they get stuck in a bad traffic jam on the way back from the game, Jimmy coaxes Greg into stopping by a strip club to kill some time. Worked up from the club, Greg surprises Kim with a night full of passionate sex. Kim is ecstatic at first, but then flips her lid after Christine fills her in that the reason Greg was so passionate was because he and Jimmy went to a strip club. Jimmy advises Greg that he should pull a repeat performance of the night before with Kim, so she'll know it's her that's putting him in the mood and not a bunch of naked girls. After Kim has a chance to cool down, she and Greg discuss what they should do in the future to turn each other on.
5. Father-in-Law
Kim's and Christine's father, Don Ludke, comes for a surprise visit. Greg feels left out as Don has never liked him -- and still doesn't. When Greg's attempts to win him over fail, Christine tells him the real reason her father doesn't like him is because he doesn't respect people who can't do things around the house. Greg changes his plans to buy a jungle gym for the kids after Don says that only an idiot would buy a pre-built jungle gym when he can build his own and save money. In an effort to impress him, Greg tries to build his own jungle gym, but it falls on top of him while he's working on it. After Greg says to Kim that he doesn't want Don in his house again, Jimmy tells him that the way to get on Don's good side is to make him feel smart without intimidating him, like he's wont to do. Following that advice, Greg extends the olive branch to Don, and asks for his help with the gym. Afterwards, he starts to have a heart-to-heart talk with Don in regards to the way he's treated, on
6. Greg's Big Day
Greg's big day is his birthday. Kim wants to take him and the kids to Disneyland, but Jimmy talks Greg into going out and partying like he did when he was single. Greg begins to wonder if he made the right decision after he goes cruising with Jimmy's aging frat boy friends, Chuck, Steve and Gino. While trying -- and failing -- to get into a cliquey club, Greg, Jimmy and company run into Bret Michaels from Poison. Jimmy introduces himself to Bret, and soon everybody is invited to a wild party Bret's having. Greg, out of his element, is surprised to learn that the real Bret Michaels lives the same kind of family life that Greg does, and is merely hosting the party for some of his friends who are in town. At Bret's urging, Greg returns home, realizing that the only place he should be spending his birthday is with his family.
7. Look Who's Not Talking
Kim invites Christine along to a ""Mommy and Me"" group. The activities are so tiring for Christine that she tells Kim she won't attend them again. Kim responds by suggesting Christine could be a good parent if she'd do more with her kids. Christine retaliates by calling Kim a control freak, and soon the two aren't speaking. Their childish fight has repercussions for Greg and Jimmy when their wives won't let them talk to each other either. Jimmy plots to smooth things over between the dueling sisters by calling up both of them and telling them the other was in a car accident. When Christine and Kim each find out that there was no accident, they put aside their differences... and stop speaking to their husbands.
8. Jimmy Gets a Job
When Greg and Kim learn that Jimmy and Christine aren't throwing a birthday party for Dominic, they plan one themselves. Jimmy intends to start looking for a job to pay Greg back. Greg tries to dissuade Jimmy, who intends to start looking for a job at the studio where Greg works. Greg unwillingly brings Jimmy to the studio for an interview -- where he tries to make Jimmy look unhirable -- but, to Greg's horror, Jimmy lands a position as their security guard anyway. Greg is further horrified to hear that Jimmy spent his first 9-to-5 schmoozing with the head honcho, Gary, whom Greg is afraid to talk to. Greg fears Jimmy will get both of them fired, especially after Jimmy takes it upon himself to invite Gary to Dominic's party. After Greg sees for himself that Gary actually likes Jimmy, Jimmy presses Greg into talking to Gary. But Greg's nervousness makes Gary think he's a deranged stalker. Worse, he gives Gary's allergic kid a peanut cookie that lands him in the emergency room. In the en
9. Arm-prins
Christine and Don convince Kim to sell her sleeve guards, which she's dubbed ""arm-prins,"" at a craft fair, while Jimmy convinces Christine to bring the kids to watch him play in a security guards' softball game. Greg is upset that he'll have to take care of Sam himself while Kim is setting up her new business, so he voices his displeasure and hurts her feelings by calling her arm-prins stupid. Jimmy feels castrated when his boss, Lloyd, benches him, and lures Christine into the game for need of a female player. Greg is forced to watch a Blue's Clues video with Sam over and over again, as it's the only thing that will keep him quiet. Soon, Greg has sat through the show so many times, he begins dreaming he's starring in it. Kim becomes dejected when the arm-prins bomb, just like Greg said they would. Greg makes it up to her by saying she's a much better housekeeper and parent than he'll ever be, and the most important job she can ever have is at home.
10. Talk Time
After Greg and Kim drive a set of friends away with their dull parenting stories, Kim fears they've become a boring couple. To try to make things interesting again, she sets aside ""talk time"" for her and Greg to discuss current events and anything not related to Sam. Talk time bores Greg, though. Kim reevaluates the situation, and figures the reason they don't have anything to talk about is because they don't do anything together anymore. So she guilts Greg into taking a class with her at the community college: ""Exploring Wine."" Jimmy and Christine take the class, too... to get some wine out of it. With their first exam coming up, Kim wants Greg to start studying, as she feels that the better the two of them do on it, the more they'll have to talk about. After Greg discovers how much he'll have to read for the test, Jimmy convinces him to blow off studying. Greg fears Kim will be mad at him when he fails the class, but she one-ups his slacking off when she's caught cheating by their pr
11. All I Want for Christmas Is My Dead Uncle's Cash (a.k.a. Silent Night, Holy Crap)
Jimmy finds out that his mean Uncle Elton died and left him $5000. Jimmy takes half of it and tells Greg and Kim he'll be paying them back the money he owed them to get set up in L.A. Afterwards, Jimmy and Christine go Christmas shopping with the other half. Despite Christine's protests, Jimmy sees two expensive Lionel train sets and wants to spoil Dominic for Christmas, but can't decide which one to get. So he gets both. But when he visits with his uncle's lawyer to claim his inheritance, Jimmy learns the bad news -- he doesn't get $5000, he gets $5000 less taxes. And he's now overdrawn before he's even paid Greg back. With no other choice but to get a second job to cover his debt, Jimmy lands work at the toy shop where he bought the trains. And where he now has to answer to the smug manager he was rude to previously. If that's not embarrassing enough, Greg bumps into Jimmy while he's on the job in a silly reindeer costume. Jimmy comes clean, and Greg demands that he just take the mon
12. Where There's a Will, There's a Waiver
The Warners' ongoing feud with a crazy neighbor, Walt, escalates after Walt demands Greg cut down a supposedly unsafe tree on his property. Greg solves the problem by calling a town inspector, but it indirectly results in a bigger problem when Jimmy lets the inspector know that he and Christine are living permanently in the Warners' guest house -- which is against the town's zoning regulation. The inspector tells Greg about a waiver that would allow Jimmy and Christine to continue living there, but everyone on the block would have to sign it... including Walt. As he wants Jimmy and Christine to move out, Greg doesn't even bother to tell them or Kim about it until after he experiences a guilt trip over the possibility of the Hughes living miles away in poverty. Jimmy drags a reluctant Greg into his scheme to get Walt to sign the waiver by befriending him, which is no mean feat due to Walt's eccentricity. But Walt isn't the owner of his house, and has to answer to a higher power who does
13. Jimmy's Jimmy
Jimmy's best friend, Billy, comes to Los Angeles in hopes of becoming a star. But since Jimmy doesn't have a place of his own for Billy, he instead asks Greg to let his friend pitch a tent in the backyard. Greg, annoyed at having houseguests who have houseguests, makes no secret of the fact that he thinks Billy's dream of acting is a waste of time. Greg later gets jealous after finding out that Jimmy is taking Billy to a hockey game when he had previously offered that extra ticket to Greg. Trying to make up with Greg, Jimmy manages to get a third ticket so the three of them can go, but Greg continues to feel left out when Jimmy and Billy have seats next to each other, and he has to sit alone. Greg feels better after hearing from Jimmy that he's tired of Billy after spending so much time with him. Then both of them are stunned when Billy blows them off after his very first audition lands him a starring role on CBS' The District.
14. Kiss and Yell
While sharing stories about the first time they met, Christine learns that Kim kissed Jimmy while he and Christine were going out. As a result, Christine refuses to sleep with him that night. Greg, meanwhile, doesn't care what Kim did with Jimmy, as he claims to have kissed more than his share of girls at the time. Kim presses him into revealing what number ""more than his share"" is, and then laughs when he says it's fifty. Determined to make Kim believe him, Greg sets about making a list of the names of all fifty girls. Greg's completed list -- of merely forty-nine girls -- turns Kim around so she's no longer amused at Greg. Instead, she's disgusted with him. Jimmy is able to calm Kim down by telling her that fifty isn't a high number at all, when most guys his and Greg's age kissed five hundred girls. Greg would feel inadequate at Jimmy's machismo if he weren't already feeling inadequate over having not even made it to fifty. To spite Jimmy and even the score, Christine kisses Greg, t
15. The Big Snip
Relieved to find out she isn't pregnant again as she had feared, Christine tries to tighten down on birth control by asking Jimmy to get a vasectomy. Jimmy initially refuses, until he has to cope with the alternative: no sex. As neither can live with that option, Jimmy caves in and agrees to have the procedure. But he quickly develops pre-op jitters, and ends up telling Greg that he isn't as fearless as he's led Christine to believe. Greg takes him to the doctor to have the operation explained to him so he'll see that there's nothing to fear, but by the time the doctor's done explaining, not only is Jimmy terrified of vasectomies, but Greg too. Jimmy finally admits his fear to Christine, and she tells him she'll help him through it. After he's been prepped and ready to go through with the big snip, Jimmy sees her playing with a little girl in the hospital waiting room, and again refuses to go through with the vasectomy -- this time because it would mean they'd never be able to have a d
16. Moon over Kindergarten
Dominic's kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Joseph, calls in Jimmy and Christine for a parent/teacher conference because he's been acting up in school. When they get there, they find out Dominic mooned the class. Recalling how her parents used to act when they were called in, Christine sticks up for Dominic by refusing to agree to the school's policy of making repeat offenders see a counselor. After Mrs. Joseph alerts her to the fact that Dominic may be expelled if they don't let him meet with the counselor, Christine yanks Dominic out herself and decides to home-school him instead -- a move everyone else thinks was hasty and foolish. Desperate to prove them wrong, Christine initially tries -- and fails -- to teach Dominic by way of a book, until Greg reminds her that Kim's the by-the-book parent. Christine's second plan, teaching by way of baking, is a success, leaving the others sorry they doubted her. But Christine has to put her pride aside when Dominic tells her that he misses his friend
17. Doctor, Doctor
Greg and Kim aren't happy to hear that Sam's pediatrician has retired early and sold his practice -- and his patients -- to a physician they've never met. Trying to give the new guy, Dr. Trabert, a chance, they freak out upon discovering that he's practically a kid himself, has his wife working as his receptionist, and has left his sick kid at home to go to work. Greg and Kim instead make an appointment to meet with Dr. Bernstein, the most famous pediatrician in L.A., and lie their way into his exclusive clientele. No sooner than they get on Bernstein's 'A' list than Sam shoves a piece of pasta up his nose and Greg has to rush him to the doctor to have it taken out. But Greg is forced to wait an unreasonable amount of time while a disinterested Bernstein tends to his numerous other patients. Greg chews the doctor out when he continues to make Sam wait, Jimmy gets the piece of pasta out himself, and Bernstein rudely tells Greg to take his business elsewhere. But Kim makes Greg go back a
18. Greg: Don't Leave Home Without Him
Christine and Kim plan a trip to their parents' house. Jimmy agrees to go to please his wife, but Greg doesn't care to go that far to please Kim, and weasels his way out of it. Greg does go to the airport to help carry Kim's stuff, but when the flight attendant lets him onto the plane, it departs before he can get off -- and gives him the worst free ride of his life. Just as Don loves Jimmy and hates Greg, Christine's and Kim's mother, Jenny, loves Greg and hates Jimmy. Unfortunately, Jenny's slobbering over Greg makes him wish she'd hate him too. A pumped-up thermostat, Jenny's collection of ceramic crap, and her bickering with Don get on Greg's last nerve -- but when he misses a special moment with Sam on the Ludke's relative's farm, he decides doing things to please Kim can't be all bad.
19. The Daddies Group
Kim drags Greg along to church against his will. The church's minister, Reverend Green, introduces Greg to Bill, who runs a daddies group where all the church daddies get together and learn how to be better husbands and fathers. Because Kim wants him to, Greg reluctantly joins it and then tricks Jimmy into going with him. When they get to Bill's house, Greg and Jimmy discover the entire daddies group thing is a front -- the guys just sit around, drink beer, watch sports and enjoy some peace away from their wives. That's how they learn to be better husbands and fathers. But guilt eventually overcomes Greg when he is forced to lie to Kim to keep the group's secret safe.
20. Mr. Fix It
Christine plans to get out of jury duty by using her kids as an excuse, until Kim's speech about giving back to the country guilts her into going. Kim soon realizes what a mistake it was to offer to take care of Dominic and Logan after they tire her out. Christine finds out who got the better end of the bargain, as her trials on the jury are far more peaceful than her trials at home. Greg feels bad that Kim can't handle juggling all three children, so, after consulting with Jimmy, he flies out Jimmy's mother, Kitty, to help out. Kim feels twice as bad after learning that Kitty -- whom she hates -- is coming. Kitty's chain smoking and nonexistent parenting skills only end up tiring Kim out more, especially after she has to add Kitty's errands to her list of things to do. Greg finally confronts Kitty, and lets her know how Kim feels about her... which doesn't have the intended effect. Kim then learns it was Greg not Jimmy who invited Kitty in a botched effort to fix things. While deliber
21. Kim Just Wants to Have Fun
After getting a babysitter, Greg, Kim, Jimmy and Christine go out to a bar, The Frolic Room, for some free time. Greg tries to get Kim to go out with them again, but Kim thinks the place is too dumpy for her tastes and doesn't want to go back. Until she gets ticked off after Greg tells her she's not fun like Christine, that is. So Kim goes to Jimmy and asks him how to be fun. Jimmy takes her back to the bar and helps her loosen up around other people -- particularly Greg.
22. No Room to Spare
While eating out, Jimmy and Greg run into Billy, who's been sacked from The District and dumped by his girlfriend, and now works at a restaurant as a birthday-wishing pirate. Until he gets sacked from that job too. When Kim receives an estimate on a bathroom remodel that looks high, Billy -- who used to do bathrooms -- confirms to her that it is high. Jimmy tries to talk Greg into letting Billy do the bathroom for them, but Greg doesn't need the pep talk after Billy says he'll do the job for half the price. Kim brings home a friend from pottery class, Rosanna, who takes an immediate liking to Billy. Billy and Rosanna go out on a date that makes him think they're on the fast track to a relationship -- until Rosanna tells him that she's decided to get back together with a former boyfriend. The news crushes Billy so much that he can't work and, hence, can't finish the bathroom. With the pipes turned off and no running water, Greg and Kim are forced to share Jimmy's and Christine's bathroo
23. Worst in Show
Jimmy's mother moves out of her house and into an apartment, and calls to say she can no longer keep his childhood dog, Happy. Jimmy wants to take the dog, but can't because Greg's allergic. After Kim tries to convince Greg to take it in anyway, Greg tells the truth -- he's not allergic to dogs, he just doesn't like them. Kim ignores Greg's wishes, and lets Jimmy and Christine keep Happy there. To get even with her, Greg gets something Kim doesn't want around: a go-cart. Happy arrives, but is hardly the dog Jimmy remembers; he's more like Cujo. Kim admits to Greg that she made a mistake, but still doesn't want to tell Jimmy to get rid of it -- even though Christine agrees it needs to go. Happy gets loose and chases after Greg while riding his go-cart, causing him to have an accident. But it's not Greg who gets hurt. While at the vet's, Greg, Kim and Christine are finally able to convince Jimmy that Happy is too aggressive to keep. The vet tells Jimmy that Happy is a goner and should be
24. Jimmy and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Boat
Greg and Kim buy a new minivan, and plan to trade in their old car. Jimmy tells Greg trade-ins are a rip-off, and he could just as easily fix it up and sell it himself. Greg agrees to the proposal and lets him keep whatever extra money he makes on top of the trade-in price. So Jimmy fixes up the car, sells it himself, and keeps $3000. He then asks Greg what he should do with the cash since he's never had any before. Greg, stunned at Jimmy's newfound responsibility, suggests he invest it in the stock market and use the profits for his kids' education. Jimmy chooses not to follow that advice to a 'T', however, and instead plunks the money down on a used, dilapidated speedboat -- which doesn't even run. Greg throws a hissyfit over what he considers to be Jimmy's irresponsibility triumph, so much so that even Kim thinks he's being uptight. Jimmy ignores Greg, fixes up the boat and invites the adults out for its ""maiden"" voyage. At first, Greg refuses to have a good time, but when left alon
